I want to be the best Mommy that I can be for B. I want to give him everything that I possibly can. I want to nourish him the best that I possibly can. I want to give him breastmilk exclusively for as long as I possibly can. But I am so so so sick and tired of milking myself. I have noticed a small decrease in the amount that I get when I pump these days and I know it’s just a matter of time until I can’t keep up with B’s appetite for milk any longer. I have a great feeling of guilt and stress that accompanies this inevitable situation. I really hate pumping, but I really want to give B the best milk I can. It is tough to try to keep myself up til all hours of the night or drag my butt out of bed in the middle of the night in an attempt to “jump-start” more milk. I originally wanted to make it an entire year with exclusive breastmilk feeding, but after a while of actually doing it, I had a reality check. I then changed my goal to 6 months. I have since made that revised 6 month goal and now am shooting for as long as I can take it. My boobs may decide for me. lolI can only do the best that I can while keeping my sanity. I just need to shake this guilty feeling that goes along with formula feeding…Now the dilemma is… stay up 2 more hours or go to sleep and try to get my butt out of bed in 3. Oh Baby….
I loathe pumping.