Desperately missing him

So Patrick left last Friday for his annual hunting trip with his Dad and some of their friends. I know that it is coming every Fall and really have no legitimate reason to be upset with him for it… after all, he doesn’t really abandon me on a normal basis. I’m pretty darn needy too.

Anyway, so I try to be good when he’s gone. Meaning, I try to not have any major breakdowns on the phone, etc. I failed once during this year’s trip, and failed miserably. I do have one excuse though, I am pretty darn pregnant. I have noticed that my emotions have escalated and the tiniest things make me cry… his Grandma sent me a baby shower card and wrote the cutest little note and signed it “Your Grandmother” – just thinking about that makes me wanna cry a little it’s so cute. It definitely made me miss my Grandma!

So he’s coming home tonight and I can’t wait, obviously. It’s hard to think about what life would be like without him. I don’t even like to think about it, it would be absolutely desolate. Time apart definitely does enhance the parts of your life that person is truly part of. With Patrick, that’s pretty much every single aspect of mine. I also have the time to notice and appreciate all the things – both large and small – that he does for me. In reality, I just miss him so much that it turns into anger that he leaves me because I feel like I wouldn’t do that because I don’t want to leave him. So it’s a two-edged blade. Sometimes I just lose control of myself and that is not good. I kind of want him to feel a little bad for leaving me but at the same time I know he really has no reason to. Sucks.

Hopefully it will be different when we have our Son to watch after next year and many years to come! 🙂


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